If only I were Harry Potter....

I am mildly obsessed with the Harry Potter series. I wouldn't go so far as to name my first born daughter Hermione or anything, but I can definitely watch the movies with my boyfriend and fill in the missing details; explaining what the plot couldn't handle in a 2 hour and 30 minute time slot. Magic would definitely be convenient, and I sometimes expect that there is a wizarding world among us. I sometimes wonder if an onslaught of natural disasters is Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters wreaking havoc on unsuspecting muggles.

But what would I do if I had magic? So glad you asked, dear readers!

- Create a potion that, when taken 30 minutes before a meal, prevents any calories from being absorbed.

- Charm my skirts to stay down on windy days (has anyone ever crossed the Mass Ave bridge in a non-pencil skirt? Treacherous! The whole world sees your underoos!)

- The ability to find lost things. Or really, just the 'accio' charm, ordering the lost things to come to me. The minutes I spend looking through my bag every day would be drastically reduced.

- Like Mrs. Weasley, I would charm my cleaning implements to clean my apartment.

- I'd totes try to find an invisibility cloak. I know, there are very very few in the world, and Harry's was a very old family heirloom, but the ability to throw it over my shoulders when I am about to run into someone I definitely do not want to talk to would be priceless.

- Apparation (teleportation for those less familiar with Potter-speak). I would save so much money on transport costs. I could visit my sister in Australia for the weekend!

- Flying on a broom would be equally cool. Wizards cannot actually make themselves fly the way people dream of flying, but brooms are almost as good. You'd just need a warm pair of gloves to make sure your hands stayed warm on chilly days.

- I'd love to be able to selectively erase my memory. There are so many embarrassing moments in life that I just wish I could forget, so many books I wish I could read again for the first time (like Harry Potter, oddly enough). Just *ZAP* and, hey! The Help? Shantaram? No, I've never read either of those books. Are they as awesome as they sound? I hope so!--

- Who wouldn't want a magic tent? A tent that has a full kitchen, bathroom and several beds plus a living area? Its a regular apartment, but externally the size of a small tent. Give them all to the homeless and keep them from dying from the cold!

I'm sure I can think of more, but this is the best I can do at 10:25 PM... Good night!

Tight tights!

Ok readers, are you listening? I have a million… no, BILLION dollar business idea for you. You can take all the credit and most of the money. I am willing to be an investor if you are able to do this. Are you ready for this idea? Its going to be huge!

Run-free tights.

Winter in Boston isn’t the balmy sort. Its COLD. And as a female, I wear a lot of skirts and dresses. Sometimes I wear leggings underneath, but mostly I wear tights. The sheer, CVS bought variety. Perhaps I would not have to deal with as many runs if I invested a little more money and bought deep discount Calvin Klein tights at Marshall’s, but something tells me this is not the case.

Every time I open a new pack, I hope it will be different. I stretch out the tights to get them used to awkward motion. I take off all my rings. I put my hands in the tights in the form of a fist so no sharp hangnails snag on the fabric. I leave room at the toes.

This works… sometimes. Maybe I will get three uses out of a pair before a run begins. And depending on the run’s location and/or where I catch it, I can sometimes keep it from getting any larger (I have used everything from spraypaint, to spray mount, to nail polish, to glue). But this is only temporary, and soon the run grows, the hole gets bigger, and I must tromp to CVS for another pair of tights. If I’m lucky, the pairs normally sold for $5.79 are ‘on sale’ 2 for $10. Don’t you just love a bargain? (NOT.)

So here you go, folks. Can you create a sheer (not all outfits look good with solid tights or patterns) tight or panty-ho or stocking that does not run, or is guaranteed to last me 8-10 wearings before it craps out on me? I will buy it. I will buy a pair for every day of the week! One in every color, in every pattern! Tights seem to me to be of the absolute lowest quality of clothing. I have purchased $6.00 tank tops at H&M that I have worn for years without holes! What does it take for we females to unite and demand from tight manufacturers a high quality product?

If they don’t respond, I seriously encourage you or someone you know in the clothing industry to take on this challenge. It will be the most sought-after product fashion has ever seen.

VF and Proust

First of all, I must thank my two 'followers' - Fleming and Jules, you both rock!

Additionally, THE Francesca of the La Cucina Francesca blog (plugged earlier this month) links to my blog from hers.

Other regular readers include my dad and the boyfriend! I can feel the love in the blogosphere.

I have been an avid reader of Vanity Fair Magazine since my mom bought a subscription in my sister's magazine drive sophomore year of college. Mom would mail me her gently read issues when I lived in Norwich junior year, and then in London for my masters. A good friend subscribed me for Christmas the year after, and I keep re-subscribing myself. It is SUCH a good read, with fashion, politics, movie-star bedazzlement, finance, and everything in between. My very favorite VF contributor, Dominic Dunne, has sadly left this world, I'm still loving Christopher Hitchins, Annie Leibowitz and the rest of the gang.

At the end of every VF they give the Proust Questionairre, a set of questions Marcel Proust gave to guests at dinner parties, to a random celebrity. They're very thought-provoking questions. I have never actually sat down and filled it out, so I thought it would be fun to post my answers, and to invite my readers to do the same.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Sitting on the beach on a perfect sunny day with Mom and Blythe and the girls, while the Rev and Brian (and the boys) smoke cigars and have a portable tv with the Red Sox Game playing in the background.
What is your greatest fear?
See post "the fear" for explanation - vomit, spiral staircases, revolving doors.
What historical figure do you most identify with?
The hippies
Which living person do you most admire?
The Egyptian people
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Klutziness. And I can be a little too trusting of new people.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Outright rudeness. Get off your cell phone while paying at a store. Give your seat to the elderly or pregnant person standing right in front of you. Use your darn manners already!
What is your greatest extravagance?
J.Crew flip flops. There is no other place I would rather buy them, and I know they are so much cheaper everywhere else. But J.Crew's are simply the best. And candy, because it serves absolutely no nutritional purpose.
On what occasion do you lie?
When I am instructed to by intimidating supervisors (NOT anyone at my current places of employment). Over 3 years in sales have taught me how to be honest without hurting feelings.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My face in photographs. I am not photogenic. The camera adds ten pounds to my face alone.
When and where were you happiest?
I sincerely hope that my happiest moment has not yet come to pass. Some of the top ones were: becoming a sister, going Theta, re-friending Tallo, and B.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I'd be a little less of a push-over.
If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
That they all lived in or near Boston.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My business idea (it WILL happen!) And moving to London not knowing anyone.
If you died and came back as a person or thing, what would it be?
Ideally? A dog. They seem so carefree.
What is your most treasured possession?
This seems so obvious, but my loved ones. Everything else is somewhat replaceable.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
3 AM, in the bathroom, mid stomach bug.
Who are your heroes in real life?
Hero is such an overused word, and I think that overuse has cheapened it. I have nothing but respect and admiration for those who are choosing to serve others - defending the country, teaching the country, protecting it from crimes and fires, serving meals, representing in local government.
What is it that you most dislike?
Sweet pickles. And needing the bathroom when there is a mile-long line.
How would you like to die?
Happy.
What is your motto?
Try to be kind to everyone, whether they deserve it or not.

Comment or email me with yours! I'm very interested in everyone's answers!

The Fear

Everyone fears something. Heck, even the mighty groundhog fears its shadow. Some people manage to hide their fears, while others overtly flip out.

My mother is deathly afraid of snakes. When the news story broke about T officials finding a boa constrictor on the T that had been missing for over a month, my poor mother was in shock, and was very glad that she had not been on that particular T car when the snake had been found. One would think that due to her fear, I would also be afraid. Not so. When I was very young, she and I were in the woods behind my grandparents’ house (what we were doing I cannot remember – looking for a lost ball, perhaps?) Mom saw a snake. While she inwardly freaked out, she knew that if she showed signs of fear on the outside, I, too, would suffer from snake fear. Instead, she did one of the many cool things she did for me as my mother. She called me over and said, “Clare! Look at that! A little garden snake! Isn’t that cool?”

And to me, it was, because I had not yet learned that a snake could be something to fear. I am not afraid of snakes. Thanks, mom.

I am, however, afraid of other things. Specifically vomit, spiral staircases and revolving doors.

“But Clare,” you say, “No one enjoys vomit. It is not a pleasant experience, whether if you are the vomiter or someone who experiences the vomit secondhand.”

I know. But I am especially disinclined. If I do not feel well, I do not welcome the act of vomiting, even if it makes me feel better afterwards. I would much rather suffer through a stomachache, bug or food poisoning longer if it meant I would not vomit. I can’t listen to it. I can’t take care of the ill. Give me a feverish friend, someone hacking up a lung, that I can handle. Once the gagging begins I’m outta there.

Spiral staircases are all right in small doses. For example, if you have one in your home to go from floor one to floor two, I can handle it. However, if I am climbing an endless (or seemingly endless) spiral of stairs, especially if I can see everything below me (like the Statue of Liberty or St. Paul’s Cathedral), sh*t goes down. I actually had to stop going up the St. Paul’s stairs (something I really wanted to finish, because I love St. Paul’s and I wanted a panoramic view of London) because I was so frightened. I know in my mind I’m not going to fall. But when you can see everything above you and below you, how far you have come and how far you have to go… It gets to you, man!

Zinnia Jewelry has spiral stairs going down to the office and basement. That has helped my fear somewhat, but I have not again attempted walking up a St. Paul’s-like set of stairs in quite some time. We shall see.

Last, but most certainly not least, are revolving doors. These I have somewhat dealt with, because I know they are much more energy efficient than the regular doors beside them and, well, I cannot seem to escape them. My good friend AT knows firsthand my apprehension with these doors. I can do them, I just get very nervous. I don’t like to use them when other people are already in them (rather difficult at a place like the Prudential Shopping Center). I am partly afraid that part of me will get stuck (a hand, a head, who knows?) and partly afraid that I will not be able to get out of the door in time, before it goes around again. And again and again and again. My sister once got her head stuck in a revolving door, and ever since that happened we have both been petrified.

Abnormal fears are normal, right? They are what make us human and different. If only we had superhuman powers so we could overcome our fears…. Or our digestion tract could withstand anything and we would never, ever throw up!

Hide and Seek

When I was a kid, Hide and Seek was one of my favorite games. The house I grew up in had no shortage of hiding spots - small dark closets, furniture, under beds, a great many rooms. My backyard had trees and bushes perfect for covering a small blonde female.

What makes Hide and Seek so thrilling?

I literally got a super attack of butterflies every time I heard the seeker come near my spot. During each game I tried not to repeat spots too many times, to up the chances of remaining unfound.

I played as a child with my cousins, as a tween with my friends and my sister. The challenge was in the chase. I never liked Hide and Seek tag, mind you. I have never been the most athletic person in the world. To me, the game is about being the most cunning, not the fastest.

What would an all Boston Hide and Seek game look like?

First of all, i-phone users, turn off that foursquare. The great Hide and Seek match of Boston, 2011, is on.

Rules: Hide anywhere within a specific border. You may change spots as often as you like. Once you are found, the seeker(s) check you off an electronic list. You may also continue to hide, for if there are multiple seekers the point is for a seeker to find the most hiders. You can mess with the rest of the seekers and let them think you are hiding and therefore make them keep looking for you while other, unfound hiders remain unfound.

Where would one hide?
In line at Starbucks
Behind a newspaper
In the stacks at the BPL
Under a pew inside Trinity Church
Dressing room at Second Time Around
Within racks of coats at Lord and Taylor
Under a blanket on the Esplanade
In a tree
The sale section at Urban Outfitters
Pretending to sign up for Boston Sports Club
The Paperchase section of Borders
Behind the towers on the Longfellow Bridge
The dugout at Fenway park (Ha, if only a mere mortal could get in there!)
Anywhere on the B line, it moves so slowly that a seeker would never catch up (mwahaha)
The second or basement floors at the CVS on Boylston or Newbury, respectively (didn't know there was another level? Now you do!)
In the pond in the Public Garden (gross, but resourceful)
Louisburg Square on Beacon Hill - no one can ever remember how to get there from Charles Street
Behind a group of hipsters (immerse yourself in their irony and superior music taste)
Within an Asian tour group (Asian participants only)

Now, as I walk home, I will be on the lookout for the next awesome hiding spot!

EDT

You know what's awesome? Daylight Savings Time. Especially after a cold winter - the extra hour in the day makes life so much better.

Yet another of my favorite things. SO worth the lost hour.

For Boston

Boston can sometimes get a bad rap. The weather isn't always the best, the people aren't always bend-over-backwards-polite, and our sports fans can be a little intense. I hope to counter these, and other stereotypes in this post.

1. Bostonians are rude.
No. We are not. Granted, there are populations in the US who are a lot more outgoing than we are (Southerners, Midwesterners). But my guess is if you compare us to New York City or LA, we are no more rude than these populations. We are quiet. We do not go out of our way to strike up conversations in the line at the grocery store. But we do understand the difficulties in getting around our city and are willing to help. We smile at customers or shopkeepers and thank people who help us. We are not rude. But if you try to stop a Bostonian on the street in a blizzard at night when the windchill is in the negative numbers, don't be surprised to be rebuffed. Would YOU want to be delayed in those conditions?

2. The weather sucks
Correction: Winters are particularly harsh and spring has a tendency to be really really rainy. However, summer normally includes days in the 70s and 80s with lots of sunshine. The autumn is gorgeous. Winter weather isn't for all dispositions, but the first few snowfalls turn most Bostonians into excited third-graders. And spring elicits hope that we will once again feel the sun's rays on our faces. The bad weather makes one appreciate the good weather all the more. A person could move to San Diego and live somewhere that is constantly 80 degrees and sunny... But they might not appreciate it as much.

3. The sports fans are crazy
Correct. But we have a reason to be. Four reasons, actually. Four professional sports teams that often make it into playoff games. In addition, the closest major city with rival professional sports teams is New York City, which (I will begrudgingly) produces some top-notch teams as well. So if we come off as a little bit loopy, a little bit intense, it is because we have to be. You try competing against the Yankees for 100 years, and watch them flaunt their twenty some-odd World Series rings at you, especially prior to October 27, 2004. Its all about pride, man.

4. It is very difficult to navigate
Don't try to drive, then! We've been deemed America's Walking City for a reason. If you can read a map, you can walk through Boston.

5. Boston is full of snobs
I think not!
This stereotype, I believe, comes from the large number of intellectuals and our tendencies to be passionate about our political beliefs, regardless of being on the left or right. But we are by no means snobby. Boston is much less image conscious than many other places. You really can make a name for yourself, and create something from nothing. I think that is part of the reason the Boston area is home to so many start-up companies. We actually value creativity and difference of opinions.
Our senses of fashion are across the board. One can find so many DIFFERENT types and styles of clothing on our supposedly snooty best shopping promenade, Newbury Street. Yes, it houses Brooks Brothers, Valentino and Chanel. It also houses H&M, Filene's Basement, and several secondhand and vintage clothing stores. Boston allows people to dress to their personality, rather than to their city's personality.

6. Boston is filled with criminals, dirty cops, and drug-addled mothers
Boston is not a Ben Affleck film. And most bank robbers don't look like him (sad news, ladies, I know.) We have our share of crime like most cities, but just as Law and Order is not an accurate representation of the US legal system, Gone Baby Gone, The Departed and the Town are not accurate representations of this fair city.

Why, then, friends? Why Boston?

That is for another post, on another day.